Still borning after all these years

Informative Bulletin

2008-04-09T21:36:00.001-07:00

For the one or two of you who still check this blog sometimes, let it be known that I have taken my wares and moved on to another exciting blog project.

sportsopinionjournal.blogspot.com

also check out my award-winning pieces written for the Austin Review at:

fruitrottery.blogspot.com

Thank You. It's been a wild ride.

-Austin

The Austin Review: Fates and Foibles of Day Two (The Great Brendanian Friendout Tournament)

2008-03-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

There's your plan
And there's God's plan
And your plan don't matter
-Old Proverb

Imagine a child crossing a wooden bridge over treacherous waters. He walks with care, with purpose, with intent to enjoy a day by the river. He studies the torrential chaos beneath, but does not fear it; indeed, he welcomes the chance to see the awesome power of nature from a safe distance. The planks he steps on were laid with care years before by a carpenter who wanted nothing more than to provide this moment for the children of this small town. Good intentions abound.

Yet suppose time and wear has buckled the wood, and that the step our child is about to take will be his last, that the plank will give way, that nature's chaos will overwhelm man's best laid plans. Has the carpenter made an error in calculating the wood's strength? Has the child made an error in trusting his fate to the craftsmanship of a man he has never met? Or have they both made the best decisions they could with the information they had, and something greater has made the only decision that matters?

Tonight in the Great Brendanian Friendout Tournament (GBFT henceforth), the commissioner faced his own fateful question. In the Drew's Room region, Bill V appeared to be the winner over Rachel H, a 12-seed over a 5-seed upset. Yet in an immediate post-game review, it came to the commissioner's attention that a 5 slip had not made "The Hat", that supercilious sprite in which fate itself is spun. Spinning his red locks, sipping his amber beer, the commissioner ruled that the odds in the contest were not fair, that the 5 seed was cheated, that the contest must be replayed. On second spin, Rachel H came out victorious. The odds stood tall when given another chance.

There are occasions in life where man is afforded an option to atone for his mistakes. After "wast(ing) his substance with riotous living", the prodigal son returned home and was welcomed with open arms. After losing on the heartbreaking Christian Laettner turnaround jumper in 1992, Kentucky came back from 20 down to beat Duke in the Elite Eight six years later. Has the GBFT woven another panel in the quilt of forgiveness? Or has the commissioner denied the fates, turned a blind eye to the raging waters below, made a trifling effort to exert order on the sea of chaos that is The Hat?

Inevitably, we must accept facts. Bill V, the man with whom fate conspired to leave a Rachel H slip on the floor, who seemed destined to join Fortinbras, George W Bush, and Barry Bonds in the lineage of asterisk victors, is no more. The floodgates live to see another day. The commissioner's plans are intact.

For now.

The Great Brendanian Friendout II: The Tournament

2008-03-26T16:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings and welcome, Stillborn fans and Brendan fans alike, to the first annual Brendan Friendout Tournament!! Today is filled with excitement as the selection committee released its brackets, setting off the most exciting three weeks in friendship we've ever seen!!

As expected, the day was not without some controversy. Even with 130 worthy candidates selected, some were left wondering when they had fallen out of Brendan's favor.

"Yea, we had a nice chat at Geoff R.'s party," a visibly shaken Kate B. lamented. "I don't know what more I could have done. I guess I'll have to hope that the Reggie Rancier Invitational is more impressed with my resume".

With such an enormous field, it was decided that commentary would be the most insightful if BR1 and BR2 were handled separately. Although I would love to weigh in on BR1 (I see possible dynasty prowess in Austin, for example), I will stick to BR2, a bracket filled to the brim with intriguing match-ups.

Pundits are already salivating over a possible Ben vs. Mike R. showdown for the Ben's Room regional title. Mike R., widely regarded as "the ninth 1 seed", will not make it easy on Ben, even as the regional is played in his own bedroom. Getting there won't be easy for either competitor; look for Mike R. to get a scare from Paul A. or Nate B. in the Sweet 16, that is if he's able to get past feisty Chelsea B. in round 2. Remember, Chelsea is comfortable in Ben's Room, and will have no problem winning over the crowd. And Ben must be careful not to overlook Alec M., a fan favorite for his dashing facial hair and workman-like friendliness.

In the Asheville Region, look for Brian K. to romp in a setting quite unfamiliar to the other competitors. But don't sleep on Ben V.; his boyish good looks could disarm the bloodthirsty Brian K. faithful. Bob M. should have little trouble early, but Ben V. is under-seeded and hungry for the upset.

Calling Roof the dark horse of the Drew's Room region is a bit demeaning; indeed, he has been a tough player for years, waiting for an opportunity to prove himself. Luckily for Drew, his early schedule should grant him some easy wins, allowing him to rest up for the war he'll have to endure to survive Roof's wrath.

Mike's Room is the hardest to predict, being that the #1 seed has been MIA for weeks. It's hard to say whether or not Mike B. will show up for this tournament. If not, look for this region to be incredibly scrappy; poked eyes, bloody noses, and defensive fouls will rule the day. Ashley S. is known for her stamina in the face of incredible odds. Look for her to make life difficult on the absent top seed, and maybe make a run at John G. or Brian R. in the regional final.

THE PICKS:

Ben's Room: Mike R.
Asheville: Brian K.
Drew's Room: Roof
Mike's Room: Ashley S.

BR2 Final: Brian K. vs. Roof
Winner: Brian K.

Tornado

2008-03-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

Two men board a downtown D train at West 4th street at 2:24 AM. Are they holding each other up or dragging each other down? They fall into seats facing the back of the train, giggling quietly.

At the end of the car, a homeless man studies the new arrivals. He breathes heavily, grabs at his garbage bag on the floor, and falls asleep.

"One time, when I was a kid, a huge tornado hit our block." One man is clutching the others' scarf, trying to whisper. The whole car hears. The teenager looks up from his PSP. The mother pushes a stroller back and forth, calming her baby.

"That's F'ed up."

"Yea. We lived on a hill, so we never thought one could hit us. But it started a half mile down the road, and by the time it got to us...jeez it was scary."

"What did you do?"

"Well, we were just sitting down to dinner when we heard the warning siren. Mom and I looked out the window and saw things flying by, tree branches and dirt mostly. Then we heard a bang against the side of the house. It was a stop sign. That's when we ran to the basement."

The mother and baby get off at Broadway-Lafayette. PSP boy is back to work, Lebron James raining dunks on the hapless Knicks. The ref's whistle and tinny crowd noise fill the car.

"Were you scared?"

"Sure. But mom held me in her lap and brushed the hair off my forehead. She called it an 'adventure', us sitting on the dirty floor of the pitch-black basement. I could hear the wind, the cracking of trees and houses, car alarms. She was singing to me. 'All you Need is Love'. And then she'd tickle me until I did the horn part."

"That's sweet." The man kisses the others' cheek, and brushes the hair off his forehead.

Tomorrow they will wake up hungover. One of them will want to stay in bed all day ,and the other will want to have brunch. They will argue, they will compromise their needs for what they think each other want. They will both feel cheated.

The D train rumbles over the Manhattan bridge. At 2:37 AM, they've got it right.

That has to count for something.

But Seriously Folks

2008-02-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

It's about time I tell you all what I really think about you. And it ain't pretty, see? I have half a mind to right out of this one-horse town the way I rode in. On an NJ Transit train.

Tonight's potential festivity was a no-expenses paid trip to Newark New Jersey for a Vodka tasting. Unfortunately I'm sick as a dog and can't even stomach juice, much less Marlon Brendo's demonpiss vodka. Growing up ten minutes from Newark, I always dreamed of going to some creepy ghetto party there. I'm not sure Marlon's old patrol friends fulfill that qualification, but it would have been a start.

It's like I'm not making any progress, you know? I'm just spinning my square little wheels, watching the NBA Slam Dunk Contest and stomaching bits of chicken broth. What kind of LIFE is this??!

It's just so bloggy out there sometimes.

Peanut Head Supermans Ho

2008-02-16T20:25:00.001-08:00

Follows performance by calling Adam Morrison a fairy. Morrison requests mommy.

Big Baby Davis Demands Trade, Bottle

2008-02-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

Glen "Big Baby" Davis, shown below throwing a tantrum at "Kidz FEST!" at Louisiana State University, has reportedly asked to be traded from the Boston Celtics to the basketball squad of his pre-school, Ida B. Wells Baby Farm Ltd. Cheering was noisy and pants were wet when the class heard the news, toddlers young and stupid believing his contributions to the 3-and-under nerf leagues could finally push the team over the top.

Arch-rivals at Mother Ducky Day Care saw things in a different light. "I hear little Glen gave a big boo-boo to Tim Duncan (San Antonio Spurs, former NBA MVP, 4-Time NBA Champion) when he rolled over him during nap time of Sunday's Spurs-Celts nail-biter", claims Eleanor Trischold, Ducky Day Care CEO. "The Nerf leagues are about sharing and caring as much as they are about zone defenses and kicking it out for a trey when your big man is double teamed, and I just don't think little Glen is ready for this level of maturity."

Asked for comment, Glen dialed Fred on the classroom Flinstones Phone. "Yaba-daba-doo! I'm talkin to you!"

A scathing rebuttal indeed. Only time will tell whether little Glen learns to man the post while minding his P's and Q's. Until then, a trip to the NBA Finals may be the only fun this little guy's allowed to enjoy.

Harlan County USA

2008-02-09T11:14:00.000-08:00

Saturday afternoon was time to watch Harlan County USA!!!

It's a movie about these striking coal miners in Kentucky. I wonder what a similar movie about the Writers' Strike would be like?

"My grandpappy wrote fa Dick Van Dyke! Got his self the black finga! I gots the carpa tunna and them capitalists dunna care nothin!" (cut to robed sophisticate on penthouse patio singing old writer spiritual)

My idear's my prop'ty
My word's my bond
My int'net monies
They done abscond

And then Tina Fey takes a tire iron to Lorne Michaels' Jaguar.

The End.

It finally happened!

2008-02-06T08:21:00.000-08:00

George on MySpace offered HLZ a recording contract!

But wait! This just in!

As I went back to transcribe the message, I'm being told that MYSpace has deleted George's profile as a suspected scammer!

Once again, MySpace has thwarted my tiny little dream of becoming the most important man in the history of the world.

Maybe if I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve so much. Hard times for the dreamers out there. But there are plenty of lucrative contract-offering fish in the sea. Life's too short. Seize the day. Be a leader, not a follower. Just do it. I,O, Digital Cable. Watch a lot of channels whenever you're able. HD is free, let me put it on the table.

For $29.95, you get to sign the label.

Yet More Music News

2007-10-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry to always be the bearer of music news lately, but this one is a doozy. Shaq's Big Ape Cock, formerly the Stillborns, have announced plans for a concept album. The song cycle will revolve around the trials and tribulations of a young gay man attempting to study vaginology. His ambitions are ridiculed all over the world, so the young gay gay guy is forced to turn to space to live out his dreams. Will he succeed, or will he learn the hard lesson taught by Eddie in "Stranger than Paradise": 'you know, it's funny...you come someplace new an'...and everything looks just the same.'

Find out. Soon.

Filler

2007-09-28T16:05:00.000-07:00

This two-minute blog post is, admittedly, filler for my loyal, bored readership. Fair readers, I will be in East Hampton all weekend, but if you're in need of entertainment, might I suggest drafting up a record contract for that new HLZ band that everyone is talking about and listening to at www.myspace.com/hlzbaby. They have many reputable fans that are going to get them big contracts soon if you don't snatch them up while the price is still reasonable. Please contact MervBonerville on OKCupid (a band manager /dating site) to start the negotiations. Also check out marmadukeexplained.blogspot.com. Also DaxFlame on youtube.

Also espn.com for all the sports you've been begging me for.

I've just re-discovered my old blogue!

2007-09-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

Ten posts that I had almost entirely forgotten about! Find 'em at hornyledzeppelin.blogspot.com. i'm thinking of resuming my football picks, but judging by who is commenting on this blogue, this move would not be well received. oh well--contempt for the audience always worked for the fruit rotter, so why not me?

HLZ Blog #2: Pitfalls of Touring

2007-09-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, our loyal fanship is up to eight! At this rate of almost doubling our fan base every four days, by Christmas HLZ will be a veritable Dave Matthews Band rival! I figure all we need are a couple of songs that are actually catchy and we'll be well on our way...

The first show of our tour was yesterday morning at the Slopsylvania Recreation Center. Merv Bonerville, our manager/promoter/muse specifically requested a wooden planked stage be built, so we were a bit peeved when we arrived to find us booked as a pit orchestra. Quite literally, our equipment and selves were thrown into a fifty foot pit, where we had to fight off a Rancor Monster before being deemed worthy of playing the venue. We're told its a Slopsylvanii custom. I guess some things really do get lost in translation!

Once the show started we were really humming along, and gained enough confidence to pull out our world premier performance of "Tower Two", a stunning 9/11 tribute that has to be heard to be believed. We felt the song would inspire the Slops to throw Sloppos at the stage in praise of American ingenuity and strength through recovery, but it turns out Sloppo City was big into Tower One. At the mere mention of Tower Two, we were pelted and guffawed into silence, and then thrown back into the pit for another round of good-old-fashioned band hazing. Luckily, we remembered that we were owed a Slopsylvanii Retard Frescoe, so we had Mayor Falafel throw it down so we could bludgeon Rancor Monster 2. Our mission completed, the concert turned into a grand Rancor meat feast, with chalk on every plate and drops of Pom Wonderful flowing like the sewage beneath our feet.

Next stop is the Mushtar Insolence Re-education Camp - should be an edutainFUNal time!

Happy 9/11!

2007-09-11T06:27:00.000-07:00

I hope the day of our nation's death is treating everyone well. The new smash hit artist HLZ has just released a 9/11 song that every American should hear. You should listen to it and think about where you were that fateful day, and feel incredibly guilty that you probably didn't do a damn thing to save Tower Two.

www.myspace.com/hlzbaby

readership

2007-09-07T23:23:00.000-07:00

it seems to me that no one is reading this blog. it seems that way because i am receiving zero comments. if you are reading this blog, make a comment to let me know that i do have some sort of readership. otherwise, i'm going to stop posting, cause whats the point? i can write things for myself to read on my own computer.

HLZ Blog #1: Gearing Up For Our Tour

2007-09-07T13:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome five fans (especially Tom) to HLZ's tour blogue!

We're just a few days away from the start of our first ever tour, and frankly this is the most excitment HLZ has had in our lives since the first time we got kicked off of MySpace, less than a day after we had signed up. Since we've lasted four days this time, it only follows that this tour will be at least four times as successful as it would have been had we set out on it during our first myspace page era.

Honestly though, I think we needed that time to tighten our sound and really get down to the essence of what HLZ is: Garage-Band loop driven spazz rock for the me generation (referring to me, HLZ). We've definitely been more focused, which probably led to us being noticed by accomplished music industry insider, Merv Bonerville. Say what you want about his lesions, but Merv really knows what it takes to make it in this business. And what it takes is an indeterminate time period tour of a distant, seldom heard of Eastern Euroasiatica filfth depository. So, without further ado, I'm pleased to announce HLZ's tour of Slopsylvania!

Slopsylvania is often mistaken for a former Soviet bloc country, but insiders will tell you that they were actually still under the rule of Genghis Khan until 1996, unaware that Supreme Leader had fallen off his horse and died seven centuries earlier. Lucky for them that they picked up a stray satellite feed of Anderson Cooper on a local sheep sharpener's toaster oven. Cooper was quickly named their new Leader Until Someone's Oven Hears Otherwise.

Slopsylvania is known to world mostly for its arts scene; stray fragments of tile glued every which way is their local specialty, and rumors are swirling (many from Merv Bonerville's toilet shaped mouth) that HLZ will be receiving one of these retard frescoes upon our arrival in Sloppo City. We can't wait, especially because Leader Anderson Cooper still has not made it to Sloppo City to accept his frescoe, leading many insiders to believe that we may be receiving the Presidential model!! Keep your fingers crossed...

So read along fans as we make landfall in Slopsylvania and teach 'em a thing or two about American balladry, the HLZ way!

Housing Works

2007-09-04T16:19:00.000-07:00

Today I spent two hours when I could/should have been working at a place called the Housing Works Used Bookstore and Cafe on Crosby Street right below Houston. It is a store I had been to before because it is a good place to pee for free and not feel bad because it's just a bookstore. I don't really get why peeing in a bookstore and not buying anything is better than doing it in a restaurant - frankly the restaurant is the culprit of giving people all sorts of things to make them go to the bathroom, so they should be better prepared for the consequences. Anyway, there are a lot of tables to sit down at and read and read and read and even get a coffee or a beer (I did neither). Also there were two guys near me, one with a bull nose ring and the other with a ponytailed mullet, who were discussing all the 9/11 conspiracy theories. Well, really the bull nose ring was yelling them and the other was looking upset, either because it was just now dawning on him that of COURSE Dick Cheney blew up the world trade center and the pentagon, DUYUYUY, or his friend was being loud and stupid and embarrasing him at Housing Works. I was half reading and half looking at them, and this one girl who worked there walked by and smiled at me and I couldn't tell if she was covertly telling me that these mopes do this everyday or that I should follow her to the back room for risque activites. I decided the book I was reading was pushing the idea of the latter, and my own laziness and embarrassment over the whole situation suggested the former. Always good to go with yourself over some used book. Later a guy with arm and neck tatoos and hair like Eraserhead except darker and less cool (more trying to be cool) came and they left. And so did two hours' potential biking commission. Maybe I should just work there so I can eavesdrop and do risque back room nonsense and just be having a normal day at the office.

Also I read a John Waters/some other guy conversation where they talked about a perversion called Pica where you just want to eat dirt all the time. God knows what I would have thought if a smiling girl walked by when I was reading that!

Scaffold Krumping

2007-09-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

I wanted to mention a new Harlem treat before bed, and that's peering out the window to watch some serious scaffold krumping. Across the street at the Hotel Theresa, there has been scaffolding up for months now, and just yesterday I noticed some dudes making good use of the inefficiency of Harlem development. Three youths were in front of the White Castle, and one at a time they would grab the horizontal bar about seven feet above the ground and start their routine. The beginning would be simple pullups, but as their momentum increased, so did their creativity. One managed to get himself postioned with his feet level with his hands and do rhythmic pushups. Another swung his body all the way around the bar, letting go of the pole on the upside part of the revolution for dramatic effect.

Today I saw possibly the same youths start this routine again, but midway through they started punching each other and running around like white trash. Maybe they'd watched Jackass Two earlier and fallen victim to white suburban idiocy instead of interesting, entertaining, death-defying self-expression. I hope their new routine is the exception and not the rule. I need something to occupy my blank staring hours now that I'm almost done watching all the Arrested Development DVDs.

Product Review: The Robo-Dildo

2007-09-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

Steve Urkel loves it, Drew Pickles loves it, even Barney wants a piece of the action! Yes, the new robo-dildo certainly has hit the mid-90s laughingstock marketplace by storm, but what about ordinary Americans like Brian Austin Green or Balki Bartachamus? Let's find out, huh!!?

Brian Austin Green's robo-dildo use has reinvigorated his drive for teen-dramedy excellence. "With its ability to feel like the cock of any man, the robo-dildo allows me the freedom to present a wide range of characters. From the 'please me don't squeeze me' timidity of Jessica Beale to the dick-suction anus of Larry Craig (Sen-ID), the robo-dildo transports me to the dreamy celebrity sicophantic nightmare of my choosing. Thanks robo-dildo!"

And what of Balki Bartachamus?? Well, let's just say TV's Perfect Stranger is no Stranger to advanced comfort and orgasmses!
"When Gorson Larry brought me une robo-dilda for mie 45,000 birthdaye, nefer did I theenk zee pleausore would bea so aixqueeseete! Aive joost bought free fousand frahm zee lybrary und sant dem too mies eyelund oof Meepos!" Transliteration is still pending on the remainder of Bartachamus' praises.

Two celebrity crushes on an advance in ass pleasure technology may be an anomaly, but FOUR?! Think again, Danny Bonnaduce! Steve Urkel's patented robo-dildo is here to stay no matter WHAT Carl Winslow has to say about it, so buck up and take it like a man! A man who knows pleasure beyond Joey Lawrence's wildest dreams...

"Whoa!" -Joey Lawrence, possibly (not) describing the feeling of a robo-dildo in his keyster.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQZQv6-6cww

Ty Detmer

2007-09-02T14:54:00.001-07:00

"You have no idea what it's like to be Ty Detmer," said Ty Detmer.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean people don't think about it. When was the last time you thought about me?"

"Probably around 1998, but I may have actually been thinking of your brother."

"See?"

"Well no one thinks of me, and I don't care."

"But you never expected attention. Me? I was a college legend. A Heisman winner. I owned 59 NCAA records. I couldn't even go to the grocery store in 1992."

"How did you eat?"

"That's not important. The point is, I had everything a man could ever want at age 22, and now I'm 39 and I mine as well be dead. What difference would it make?"

"You'd probably get an announcement on ESPN."

"Yes and they'd call old teammates who'd say how down to earth I was and what a great family man I was and all that stuff they say about anyone who dies."

"At least people would think about you again."

"I want them to think about my 34 career NFL touchdown passes, not how I always go to my son's soccer games."

"What about your 35 career interceptions?"

"To this day that kills me. One more interception than touchdowns. How am I supposed to live with that?"

"The same way I live with all the girls I should have hooked up with in college but was too shy to."

"The ladies were never a problem for me. I guess I took that for granted."

"I can't say that I blame you."

"But I took it all for granted, see? From the time I was six years old, everyone told me I had a special gift. I was a natural, I was blessed by God to be a great quarterback, a great leader in the most difficult position in sports. People talk about overcoming adversity and challenges on their way to the top, but for me it was my destiny. I overcame nothing because I was too confident to see anything in my way. I could throw a touchdown anytime I wanted, I could fuck any girl I wanted, I could skip class for weeks at a time and still pass. I knew around my last year at BYU that NFL scouts thought I was too small to make it at the top level, but what the fuck did I care? I knew I was great and that I'd just prove them wrong in the end."

"You kind of did. You had a long career, you made millions of dollars, people recognize your name when they hear it. You won."

"I was a backup. I was always second best. Even when I started, it was only because plan A was injured. When I was 22, everything in my life happened on my terms. It's never been that way since."

"Living in the real world is about settling, making peace with your own limits and finding happiness in that."

"That's not what I was trained for. And it's not enough for me. And it never will be."

"Grow up, Ty Detmer."

"Fuck you, enolagay22. I didn't come into this chat room to be lectured. Kiss my
@$$."

"Ok I apologize. Let's just cyber already."

"Maybe later. I'm going to go throw some balls through my son's tire swing."

"That's the stuff, baby."

"You disgust me."

"Stop projecting your feelings about yourself onto me."

"Stop making me confront adult emotional crises when I'm still stuck in my high school mentality."

"K baby."

"Even washed-up Ty Detmer shouldn't have to settle for this."

"Yet here you are."

"Here I am."

100 Black People Cooler than Randall Cunningham: Part 2

2007-07-01T15:21:00.001-07:00

And here are 50 more:

51. Grandmaster Flash
52. KRS-One
53. Kool Herc
54. Louis Armstrong
55. Charlie Parker
56. Miles Davis
57. Cannonball Adderly
58. John Coltrane
59. Duke Ellington
60. James Baldwin
61. Cornell West
62. Michael Eric Dyson
63. W.E.B. Dubois
64. Malcolm X
65. Martin Luther King Jr.
66. Desmond Tutu
67. Nelson Mandela
68. Marcus Garvey
69. Frederick Douglas
70. Adam Clayton Powell Jr.
71. Jackie Robinson
72. Maya Angelou
73. Rosa Parks
74. Sojourner Truth
75. Crispus Attucks
76. Eazy E
77. Zora Neale Hurston
78. Toni Morrison
79. Booker T. Washington
80. Benjamin Banneker
81. Gil Scott-Heron
82. Marvin Gaye
83. Barry White
84. Samuel L. Jackson
85. Al Green
86. Refrigerator Perry
87. Barry Sanders
88. Jerry Rice
89. Tiger Woods
90. Aretha Franklin
91. Billie Holliday
92. Bessie Smith
93. Richard Wright
94. Ralph Ellison
95. Thurgood Marshall
96. Marion Barry
97. Savion Glover
98. bell hooks
99. Tiffany Cirigliano
100. Lyndsey Williams

100 Black People Cooler than Randall Cunningham

2007-07-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

Well, my father showed me a respectable list of all-time great QBs that had Randall ranked #34, so any attempt to place him out of the top 100 would be fairly biased. With that in mind, I turn to my new challenge: 100 black people cooler than randall cunningham! Here are 50:

1. Stevie Wonder
2. Chuck Berry
3. Chad Johnson
4. Muhammad Ali
5. Michael Jordan
6. Dr. Dre
7. Snoop Dogg
8. Wesley Snipes
9. Shaq
10. Dwyane Wade
11. James Brown
12. Ricky Williams
13. Kevin Durant
14. Spud Webb
15. Dominique Wilkins
16. Wilt Chamberlain
17. Dave Chapelle
18. Chris Rock
19. Stefan Urkel
20. Don Cheadle
21. Randy Moss
22. Ludacris
23. Kanye West
24. Jimi Hendrix
25. Tim Meadows
26. Tracy Morgan
27. Dr. Quinn on Sealab
28. Allen Iverson
29. Clinton Portis
30. Charles Barkley
31. Ray Charles
32. Notorious B.I.G.
33. Tupac Shakur
34. Flava Flav
35. Professor Griff
36. Chuck D
37. Terminator X
38. Mr. T
39. Magic Johnson
40. Penny Hardaway
41. Crazy Eyez Killa
42. Lawrence Taylor
43. Jim Brown
44. LaDanian Tomlinson
45. Baron Davis
46. Eddie Murphy circa 1988
47. Screamin' Jay Hawkins
48. Will Smith
49. Nas
50. Jay-Z

20 QBs better than Randall Cunningham

2007-06-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

As part of an ongoing dispute with the fruit rotter, I've decided to try to come up with 100 QBs better than Randall Cunningham. This initial 20 will be QBs I don't even need to look up stats for to be confident in my choice. From here, we will do head-to-head comparisons to make our points. This is not a ranked list.

1. Joe Montana
2. Steve Young
3. Bart Starr
4. Brett Favre
5. Troy Aikman
6. Tom Brady
7. Peyton Manning
8. Terry Bradshaw
9. John Elway
10. Carson Palmer
11. Drew Brees
12. Steve McNair
13. Warren Moon
14. Dan Marino
15. Ben Roethlisberger
16. Donovan McNabb
17. Jim Kelly
18. Otto Graham
19. Roger Staubach
20. Johnny Unitas
21. Fran Tarkenton
22. Boomer Esiasion (just wanted to get two more out there while I was thinking of them)

Harlem shooting June 24, 2007 124th Street and Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Blvd. at about 12:40 AM

2007-06-23T22:45:00.001-07:00

So two shots were fired, which I didn't think were gun shots because they really weren't that loud. But then there was a guy lying in a heap on the ground across the street. Probably about 25 cop cars arrived at the scene within 45 seconds. Four guys were arrested (one put into the back of a cop car disguised to look like a cab, which I didn't know they had), and then this other guy started something or other and was shoved to the ground by five cops and held down amidst all sorts of yelling, which is normal Harlem style I guess. And later a girl was arrested and her friends told her "when you get there don't say NOTHIN!". Then some guys in suits stood around the police caution tape and they still are right now. And now I am officially the first internet information pubished about thsi event. Time for freaky music videos.

Top Ten Ages (up to 24)

2007-06-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

10. 6
9. 23
8. 2
7. 11
6. 16
5. 12
4. 17
3. 18
2. 4
1. 21

Top 10 Reasons to Get Out of Bed

2007-06-02T15:23:00.000-07:00

10. Bed Sores
9. Sweet Tea
8. Laundry
7. Mail Something
6. Take A Dump
5. Phone Ringing
4. Take a Pee
3. Shower
2. Create Fulfilling, Meaningful Life
1. Sleepwalking

Top 10 Things to Say in the Bronx

2007-06-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

10."That's grimy!"
9. "Who asked you?"
8. "DaDA"
7. "You mad buns!"
6. "Nah, chill chill chill chiiiil"
5. "Ya play too much"
4. "So look at you"
3. "That's O.D."
2. "Stop Beastin!"
1. (Teeth sucking noise)

Top 10 Songs I Can Play on My New (Old) Electric Guitar

2007-05-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

10. Born Under a Bad Sign - Albert King
9. Offend in Every Way - White Stripes
8. King of Carrot Flowers, Part One - Neutral Milk Hotel
7. Sweet Dreams - Marilyn Manson
6. War Pigs - Black Sabbath
5. Young Blood - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
4. Wild Thing - The Troggs
3. All Along the Watchtower - Bob Dylan
2. Sunshine of Your Love - Cream
1. Iron Man - Black Sabbath

Top 10 Books on My Mantel Right Now

2007-05-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

10. Absurdistan - Gary Shteyngart
9. The Outsider - Richard Wright
8. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
7. Teacher Man - Frank McCourt
6. A Season Inside - John Feinstein
5. The Water is Wide - Pat Conroy
4. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
3. Motherless Brooklyn - Jonathan Lethem
2. In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
1. And Then We Came to the End - Joshua Ferris

Honorable Mention: Guide to Getting It On - Paul Joannides

Top 10 US States

2007-05-29T10:24:00.001-07:00

10. North Carolina
9. Ohio
8. Louisiana
7. Massachusetts
6. New Mexico
5. Vermont
4. California
3. Texas
2. New Jersey
1. New York

Top 10 Ties

2007-05-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

10. Neck
9. Family
8. Dye
7. Ones that Bind
6. Food (sic)
5. When Score is Same
4. Bow
3. Verley (sic)
2. Chi (" ")
1. -r Iron

Top 10 Things Brendan Has Done In The Last 16 Hours

2007-05-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

10. Smoked Pot
9. Spilled Beer on self
8. Smoked Pot Again
7. Made Steak and Eggs
6. Wore Yeungling Shirt
5. Played in Five's Tournament
4. Smoked Pot a 3rd Time
3. Printed Five (5) Pictures of Self in Front of Tombstone
2. Watched Gay Porn on Public Access TV
1. Assissted in Top 10 Fevers List

Top 10 New York Neighborhoods

2007-05-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

10. East Tremont
9. Chelsea
8. Williamsburg
7. El Barrio
6. West Village
5. Park Slope
4. Chinatown
3. East Village
2. Harlem
1. Broad Channel

Top 10 Things I See Right Now

2007-05-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

10. Pillow
9. Old Envelope with NBA players written, ranked on it
7. Bedspread
6. Water Bottle
5. Texas Hat
4. Cornet Case
3. Clothing Pile
2. Drumset
1. Surge Protector Lifted off floor by stretched cords

Top 10 Current NBA Players

2007-05-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

10. Shaq
9. Baron Davis
8. Jason Kidd
7. Amare Stoudamire
6. Kevin Garnett
5. Lebron James
4. Dwyane Wade
3. Kobe Bryant
2. Tim Duncan
1. Steve Nash

Top 10 Fingers

2007-05-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

10. Right Pointer
9. Right Middle
8. Left Pinky
7. Left Ring
6. Right Middle
5. Right Ring
4. Left Middle
3. Right Pinky
2. Right Thumb
1. Left Thumb

Top 10 New Jersey Cities

2007-05-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

10. Perth Amboy
9. Camden
8. Trenton
7. Paterson
6. Atlantic City
5. Elizabeth
4. Jersey City
3. New Brunswick
2. Hoboken
1. Newark

Top 10 Current NBA Point Guards

2007-05-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

10. Jason Terry
9. Kirk Hinrich
8. Deron Williams
7. Tony Parker
6. Chauncey Billups
5. Gilbert Arenas
4. Baron Davis
3. Jason Kidd
2. Steve Nash
1. Stephon Marbury*

*self-proclaimed

Top 10 Garbage Bag Brands

2007-05-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

10. Krasdale
9. White Rose
8. Good Sense
7. ULine
6. Black Plastic from Bodega
5. Fairway Grocery
4. "Thank You"
3. Naps
2. Hefty
1. Glad

Top 10 Fried Side Dishes

2007-05-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

10. Hash Browns
9. Tater Tots
8. Onion Rings
7. Rice
6. Fries
5. Egg Roll
4. Okra
3. Green Tomatoes
2. Pickles
1. Mars Bar

Top 10 Current NBA Centers

2007-05-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

10. Alonzo Mourning
9. Chris Kaman
8. Eddy Curry
7. Nenad Krstic
6. Marcus Camby
5. Ben Wallace
4. Dwight Howard
3. Yao Ming
2. Amare Stoudamire
1. Shaq

Top 10 Fevers

2007-05-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

10. Hay
9. Scarlet
8. Bass
7. Cat Scratch
6. Typhoid
5. Pitch, Fever
4. Dance
3. Indiana
2. Heat Stroke
1. Ranking

Top 10 Reasons to Live

2007-05-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

10. None
9. Beer
8. Ice Cream Sandwiches
7. Professional Goals
6. Morning Dew
5. Deep Shag Carpets
4. Triboro Bridge
3. Stuffed Crust Pizza
2. Ghetto Hoodies
1. Alf

Top 10 Organs in the Human Body

2007-05-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

10. Appendix
9. Bladder
8. Liver
7. Stomach
6. Pancreas
5. Prostate
4. Intestine
3. Kidneys
2. Heart
1. Brain

Mukai

2007-05-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

Poem

2007-05-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

PIG PILE
PIG PILE
1
2
3

HOW MANY
HOW MANY
DICKS HAVE WE?

CHENEY,
TRACY,
JAURON,
CLARK

KNOCKIN BOOTS
WITH HEATHER GRAHAM
IN THE PARK!!!!

Police Chase VII

2007-04-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

MICHAEL BAUER APPOINTED VICE PRESIDENT, AMERICAN MORTGAGE NETWORK -- Will Lead Bellevue, Washington Regional Center

San Diego, CA, April 22, 2004 - American Mortgage Network (AmNet), a mortgage bank serving the national mortgage broker channel and a wholly owned subsidiary of American Residential Investment Trust (AMEX®: INV), announced today that Michael Bauer was appointed Vice President and regional manager for AmNet's regional center in Bellevue, Washington. He also has responsibility for the Company's Portland, Oregon office.

With over 16 years experience in mortgage banking, Michael has deep expertise in wholesale lending. Before joining AmNet, he was the Northwest Area Sales Manager for Countrywide Home Loans. Prior to that, Michael was Regional Sales Manager for Sierra Pacific Mortgage. Michael has held sales management positions with Radian Guaranty Corporation, ITT Residential Capital, and GE Capital Mortgage Insurance Company. Michael has a BS degree from the University of Wisconsin at Whitewater and Madison. He can be contacted at mbauer@amnetmortgage.com.

John M. Robbins, Chief Executive Officer of AmNet, said, "Michael has a proven track record of building successful branches, which will help us expand sales volume and grow market share in the Northwest.
...
We are delighted that Michael has decided to join the AmNet team."

THE END

Zagat's Review: Chez Branton et Monkeyfucker's

2007-04-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

This is an entry from my old blogue that I came across and decided it's as relevant now as ever. How, you might ask, is a restaurant review of an apartment that no longer exists at all relevant today. Well, you see simple reader, it's a matter of:

Locals, Queensers, and out of town dignitaries have been dining at this "roach-infested Hell hole" for "year". Outsiders might walk by and shake their head "in disgust", but all the regulars know what really keeps this place packed. From the "drunken rantings" of the maitre d' to the "inedible" selection of spices provided by the manager, this "neighborhoodless" neighborhood hot spot will surely be serving up "tiny hambugers on mistakenly raisined buns" and "shit! we forgot the corn!" for many "months" to come. Watch for "live roaches" in your yams and you're sure to have a "time".

Police Chase VI

2007-04-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

This wasn't the first time Present? Cop had been required to put aside any semblance of good taste and hunt down a transvestite the old fashioned way (the crotchetygrab). Being a New York City Police Officer is not as glamorous as all the posters might have you think. Present? Cop wasn't old enough to have been in Vietnam, but he was a big wuss, so the stuff he'd seen as a cop, though less bad than the Vietnam stuff, affected him just as much if not more than those superior guys were fucked up by the war. One time a guy was chewing gum and then he took it out and stuck it on a parking meter! "That's government property!!" Present? Cop would have yelled if he'd gotten to the part of the police training book where it talks about the gum on the meters. He always wanted to be a by-the-book cop, and that meant not enforcing parts of the book he hadn't read yet. Consider this a stroke of luck for Mr. Gum Meter and Madame MadeSlippersOutofDeadCatsAndWoreTheirGutsAsANecklace.

But anyway, fuck! That Egomac could be anywhere!! Present?Cop headed west cause he knew the East Side was full of trannies and it'd take too long to find the right one. Present?Cop's gonna be known as Officer Mike Bauer from now on, OK? OK. So Officer Mike Bauer saw in the distance a really tall lady doing the shifty eyes thing and tenting his/her fingers, so he thought he'd found his man, right? So he goes up and grabs him/her around the neck with his billy club like in that "Do the Right Thing" movie, cause he still hadn't gotten to the part of the book where it says not to start a race riot (the man/woman was black. and Egomac was white! Come on Officer Mike Bauer, get it together). So some people crowd around and call out police brutality and Al Sharpton comes a hoppin out of the sewer in a mink carcass suit and stammers, "Ah, ah injustice! Cruelty! Ah, manipulation and stipulation and percolation in the paint!" Could things get any worse for Officer Mike Bauer?

They're about to...

Police Chase V

2007-04-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

The chase went down on one of those glorious New York days you read about on blogs! The smog was choking, the rats were squeaking, the sun was blinding off the top of all the fucking glass buildings all over the fucking place. And all the dolts were out, so that when Egomac skidded out of the Union Square area all these skater punks that were trying to do tricks for the ladies flexed their anorexic chicken bones to try to keep the girls' attention off the nearby BADASSS. Didn't work though. Egomac got caught at a light and all the ladies caught right up to him. They rubbed themselves on the hood. They were shirtless. They licked the spots on the windshield where dead bugs used to be when Egomac lived in the country. Egomac missed the country. He could look up all the damn bumpkin skirts he wanted without one word from Johnny Present? Cop. But anyway lucky for Egomac that these ladies made this swarming pile, both because he got to see their bootiful tatas and because they formed an effective phalanx against Present? Cop, and he didn't even know what a phalanx was cause when he was sposed to learn about it in the 5th grade he got an ear infection and had to stay home and watch Court TV and commercials for amublance chaser lawyers instead of gettin his learn on! So when he saw the pile of girls, he didn't know that attacking from a low angle under their spears (tatas) would lead to certain victory! He just blushed and tried to shoo them and blushed some more. And when the pile relented and he went up to the car Egomac was gone!

And so the search for transvestive Egomac begins...

Police Chase IV

2007-03-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

So the guy ran and then the cop was after him! And like, the author's just winging this scene because of the clamoring of the reading public, but here goes!! So Egomac luckily had gotten a space at the 24-hour parking garage that was right by the exit so the attendant didn't even need to do anything really, but still Present? Cop caught up to him cause he had been going to New York Sports Club a lot lately cause his wife had been complaining that his stomach was squashing her when they did it and he was all like why don't you just go on top but she was fucking lazy. When Present? Cop touched Egomac's shoulder, the real action started.

"You're gay! You're gay and you like me!" claimed Egomac.

"I just wanna talk guy!"

"It's too late! You're gonna have to catch me first!"

"But I already have!"

"uh...no!" and with that, Egomac got into his Porsche and sped off up Park Ave. South, towards the Metlife building and certain freedom. Present? Cop had half a mind to just write this whole thing up in his little yellow booklet; he had Egomac's license plate number, so he could just look him up and mail him a ticket for public indecency. But he had a sick sinking feeling that Egomac checked his mail no more than three times a week. And when he did, he just sorta chucked it all into this pile in the kitchen under the moldly dish rags and recyclable bottles and cans that he would take down to the 5 cent refund center eventually (yeah fuckin right). And then it would sit there and occasionally the top piece would be used to squash a cockroach skittering around the counter or wall, and the rest would become coffee stained and Egomac would try to get the stamps off with water to reuse them. But goddamnit, why won't he just read his Valentine from his ex-girlfriend and his fucking indeceny ticket already?

"Get your life in order already!!!!" whispered Present? Cop. But Egomac was long gone, having started the chase, and now we'll follow them as they go and go they will and it'll be alright.

Police Chase III

2007-03-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

The cop then thought back to his police academy days to figure out what to do. Sure, he could make weird machine noises like that one guy, but what were bleeps and blinks in the face of such misogyny? He then remembered the little metal wrist rings on his side. Oh yea!

“You’re under arrest, buddy! For indecency, or something!”

“That’s not a real charge, fuzzo!” Egomac pushed Present? Cop’s hands away from him. “I took a law class once ya know!”

He had. Egomac took one of those continuing education classes once because he was on the subway and saw how happy that girl in the ad for that kind of thing looked. I want to be that happy and smart, thought Egomac. I want to bone that girl! How am I gonna meet her if I don’t go to that school? People don’t meet in the real world. They go to bars with people they know from college and someone random says excuse me cause they wanna walk by and then you have to say “no” or something cause isn’t that funny to pretend to be an asshole?? Well Egomac’s not into that scene. Talking to strangers out, spying up strangers’ skirts in.

“Well I’m pretty sure something about what you’re doing is somehow illegal,” said Present! Cop. Boy did he wish he was back in the friendly confines of his spy factory where he didn’t have to always pretend to know what he was doing.

“Look, I’ve got things to do,” Egomac softly bellowed. “So I’ll see ya later.”

“Ohhhh no!” Present? Cop had a way of manning up when it was clear that continuing to puss out would probably cost him his job. “You’re coming DOWNTOWN!!!!!!!!!!!”

It was then that Egomac started the whole debacle that turned into this novel. Bad for society, good for the readers. That was Egomac’s M.O.

He ran! Ran ran ran!

WILL PRESENT? COP CATCH EGOMAC?? WILL THEIR TRUE NAMES BE REVEALED???? WILL YOU CONTINUE TO READ THIS NOVEL KNOWING FULL WELL THAT YOU HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON...POLICE CHASE31E@!R!R!!!R!!!!!

Police Chase II

2007-03-17T18:47:00.000-07:00

And it all started earlier in the day when the maniac eggman (Egomac) was at Union Square, checking out the ladies. It was a sunny day, so he was wearing his sunglasses, but he had this special kind with a technology thing that let him look up the skirts of the ladies. It was very scientifically kinky.

Anyway, he was doing this somehow, when out of somewhere comes this copper, swinging his nightstick and whistling his favorite Beatles tune, “I am the Walrus” (now THAT’S what I call foreshadowing!!). But this was no ordinary five-o; this guy had a former career as a spy technician guy!

In his days at the spy technician factory, he held the record for most employee of the month awards. Ruby-eyed Stan was always so jealous of future cop, because it was he who had the most passion for the job. R.E.S. would stay at the factory late at night, ignoring text messages from his wife about how he was missing his baby’s first steps and words and mortgages, trying to perfect the weenie cam, the holy grail of the cam in weird places industry. The weenie cam could see through pants fabric and pick up the sound of a pin drop on the other side of town, but it could almost never be found because it was stored right inside the urethra! Stan had very little fun testing the prototype, but as soon as he perfected his device he knew he’d win the annual big science thing and show future cop what’s what.

He was called Ruby-eyed Stan because he once used some of the equipment from the factory to spy on a woman named Ruby. She had already noticed these tendencies and won a two-mile restraining order against Stan, but that was nothing in the face of these disturbing gadgets!!! These were not healthy men at this factory.

But anyway, what’s important here is that the up-skirt cam being used in Union Square by Egomac was one worked on very hard by future (present?) cop. When Present? Cop noticed what was going on he went up to Egomac and was all up ons! “You’re not foolin’ me, buckaroo!”

“Hey dude bra, keep it quiet and I’ll let ya sneak a peek.”

“No. No! I’m beyond that now! I’ve grown up and I see women for the beautiful creations of a just God that they are! They make my day with a simple touch to my forearm or a smile at the corner of their lipsticked mouth! I am offended sir!”

Well what r ya gonna do, huh? WHAT??”

Police Chase

2007-03-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

"SCREEEEEEEEECH!!!" said the tires of the car being chased.

The cop car charged on, hot on it's trail. "Hey hot shot! It's the fucking police! You better cut it out or we're gonna call the...uh...better police!!!"

But the maniac throttled on. THROTTLED ON.

Did I mention they were in New York? They skidded around Columbus Circle like wow! A Handsome Cab driver was all "hey! you watcha my horsey!" And he did that Italian chin flick thing. To the cops!

His day in court would come. But for now, the maniac shredded up Central Park West, dodging people going to see that one room what was in that squid and whale movie. He honk honked and was all "outta here, dipshits! You gonna side with the fuzz?!!?"

"Hellz no!" said the dipshits. "Fuck da police comin straight from the underground! Young n-word got it bad cause I'm brown!..." and it went on like that.

When the maniac got to the Dakota he thought something about John Lennon. Maniac. was. the EGGMAN.

"Hey coppers I'm the eggman! get it??" He had stolen a bullhorn at some point.

"Why you I oughta!!!!!"

But the maniac (eggman) was sure that he oughtn't a. And that was how this mess all started in the first place.

TO BE CONTINUED...OR IS IT???

pay attention

2007-03-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

cause there's all these ambulances and burger wrappers and scented oils and weaves and do-rags and scratch lotto tickets and rats and apple cores and fire trucks and newport newport. and i don't mean maybe, cause if i meant that i wouldn't even be bothering with all this. it's time you grew up and saw all that was for what you don't think, you know? and when we ain't kids no more will it still be about what it is right now? all these shoes and board games in my closet and all i wear are the adides and all i play is guitar hero. my stomach is like i drank coffee and i'm dizzy like that too but i think its just the meds (lack thereof), but i havent felt the brain shockwaves yet (maybe tomorrow. can't wait). gonna be sunny and 63. wear a bonnet.

SHUT IT!

2007-03-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

SHUT IT SHUT IT SHUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!

what are you to me?

2007-03-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

huh??

The Day I Knew It Was Something or other

2007-03-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

I thought things were going pretty ok, pretty well even if I’m gonna be real about it. I gotta work on being more real, because that’s probably why things started to go wrong in the first place. I dunno, sometimes I just think things would be better if I thought about things a little more. Anyway, we got together one day and she told it like it is.

“I don’t think it’s gonna work out,” she said.
“Wha?” I said. I was surprised.
“Don’t you get it? You think things are good? Where’s your head at? You think everything’s ok just because you think it’s ok? Well it’s not! OK?”
I didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Then just say ok and leave me be. Move on, you know? There’s plenty of time for other stuff, you just gotta seize opportunities when they’re presented to you.”
I finally got what she meant, but it hurt. It hurt bad. I finished my sundae and walked outside. It was cold, but not cold enough for the really thick jacket I’d brought, so I just crossed my arms. I really thought thinks were ok, I still couldn’t really believe it, but what was I supposed to do? When someone thinks they see things the way they are and it’s not the way you see things you can’t just tell them hey you’re wrong I’m right about the way things are. It’s never worked that way. Why would this time be any different?
I called my boy and he sort of said the same thing I was thinking. “Fuck her, man. If she can’t see what’s what then you gotta just make the decision to work things out on your own. I know it’s rough to be in this situation, but you’ve gotta look inside and decide what’s right for you and then go from there, you know?”
“Yea, I do. I just wish there was an easier way.”
“We all do, man. We all do.”
“Well thanks for the advice, bro. I can always count on ya, bro.”
“Hey anytime, bro,” he said, and I knew he meant it.
But he was super right when he said it wasn’t gonna be easy, cause when I got home and started thinking it got me really mad. Who was she to decide the way it was gonna go? Don’t I have a say in things? I guess it’s true what they say about stuff; you never know how it’s gonna work out. But I let myself get in too deep. I was a fool, and now I was paying the price. It was time to grow up, to take it in stride, like a man. I decided to let the past be the past and dive headlong into my future.
Ya know?